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Posts Tagged ‘Fearful’

 

With the Holiday Season upon us, I’d like to revisit a blog I posted several years ago. As I read through these life-changing moments, I thought about the new readers to my site and wondered if they were experiencing any of these challenging moments today…2018…and decided to repost “Memories…Sweet or Bitter…WHAT WILL IT TAKE?” I pray you’ll find and experience the presence of God this day.

Hugs…DiAne

 

Black and White Clouds

The sky was blue—I didn’t care. The summer morning was cool, a slight breeze jiggled the leaves—So what?  The sun peeked through the needles of the pine tree just off our patio—I squinted. Shrugged. And sat huddled in the darkness of my soul on the cushion of my chair, sipping a steaming cup of coffee, oblivious and untouched by this one-of-a-kind splendid morning.

Early in the morning signature

Gloom saturated my spirit.  A tear slid down my cheek. I released a heavy sigh and closed my eyes and whispered, “Lord, if You’re here, I need to feel Your presence, and know You haven’t deserted me.”

It had been well over a year since our daughter’s death. No warning. No time for goodbyes. No I love you. Just gone—

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

And fear consumed me.

Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

Over the years I’ve replayed the foolishness of the words I spoke in those moments of grief…Lord, if You’re here…and …I need to know you haven’t deserted me.  Of course, God was there, but I was wounded and bleeding so bad I couldn’t feel His presence. No, He hadn’t deserted me, but it sure felt like He had.

In the throes of spiritual cardiac arrest, my heart and my spirit hemorrhaged despair.

God’s word says, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away…” but this was new ground for me. In my troubled state of mind, her death was unfair—a loss from which I would never recover.

Grief does that, you know—causes us to think irrational thoughts and demand absurd must- haves from God if we are to survive. Had the doctors taken an x-ray of my heart, mind,  and soul in that moment, they would have admitted me to ICU-Critical Care.

If you had asked, DiAne, what would it take for you to be alive, happy, and well again? I would have shot back… my daughter alive and well. Back with her family and us again.

But without my realizing and because the Spirit lives within me, even when I’m a stupid, sobbing child, He led me to do exactly what the Word of God tells us to do.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God…Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you…be afflicted, and mourn, and weep…humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up” (James 4:7-9 KJV).

Immediately a very different kind of breeze, the breeze of the comfort of God, physically swirled and wrapped around me in a warmth and secure love I cannot explain, kinda like that warm micro-waved blanket they wrap you in when you’re lying on a gurney in a hospital emergency room.  But I understood, without a doubt, God had done exactly what I asked—let me feel His presence. And on that patio some thirteen years ago, I build an altar and worshiped Him. A holy moment in time that stands as a testimony in other times of trial and heartache I don’t understand—He is there!

 

I’d love to tell you, all these years later, the sorrow is gone. No, not gone. Just different. But I rejoice in the new normal that always follows those first times of utter desperation.  If you trust Him to comfort, heal, and give you new hope—even when you believe you can’t move forward—He will carry you!

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The question for you today is—what will it take in your time of tragedy? What is enough to move you toward help, hope and healing? Is Jesus enough? Only you can answer that question, sweet friend. Is He?

 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away…I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son” (Revelation 21:4,6-7, KJV).

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His sobs wailed inconsolable!

And I couldn’t find him.

Other children whooped and hollered as they slid in and out of the red, yellow, and white overhead tunnel maze at our neighborhood Chick-Fil-A.

Chick-Fil-A 1

I dashed from side to side, calling his name while ducking under the twists and turns of bumping knees, smacking feet, and sounds of laughter, hoping to catch a glimpse of my three-year-old grandson. But, I couldn’t see him and he was too lost and too overwhelmed to stop crying and listen for my voice.

A young boy tugged my sleeve. “He’s right up there, ma’am.” And he pointed to a joint that split left and right. He couldn’t see us and couldn’t find his way out, so he sat down and cried. Loud and long. His eyes squeezed shut, scrubbing his little fists in tear puddles. His shoulders shook and my heart shattered. Even though my arms wanted to grab him and comfort his fears, I couldn’t get to him.

Chick-Fil-A 2

“I’ll get him for you.” The kind youngster crawled through the corridors and in seconds had hold of our boy, leading him to safety, and into the arms of his equally bewildered Mimi.

Where are you in the everyday maze of life? Side-swiped by finances. Run-over by relationships. Overwhelmed by chaos. Confused and terrified, not hearing or knowing where or how to find peace and stability from the onslaught of others playing bumper cars in life’s maze. Are you in desperate need of a brother or sister to come alongside and walk with you.

Coming Storm

During those heart wrenching times remember, Jesus is right there with you? Wherever you are. His arms open wide, calling your name. Offering comfort and peace, even when you refuse to hear Him. Just like my grandson, do you find yourself slumped in a heap, eyes squeezed shut and sobbing? Shut down–immobilized by fear—unable to move forward?

There is hope. In His name—the name of Jesus. You don’t need fancy prayers. Simple words like “Jesus, help me!” Powerful words. He will calm your fright, dry your tears, and hold you close while the light of His presence shines on your path home.

Cuddled in his Mimi’s arms, a little box of nuggets, fries, and a coke later, our grandson had forgotten his fear of the boys and girls tumbling over and around him, and was ready to exhibit his maze crawling skills. He promised if lost he would be still and listen, knowing his Mimi was watching and waiting to dash to his rescue—just like Jesus watches and waits for your 911 call.

Coming Storm 2

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