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If My People

Here is a convicting and truth filled blog by my friend, Ernie Carrasco.

Ernie's Musings

solomons-temple

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14)

Fear hangs like a dark, menacing storm cloud over our nation. Insecurity saps the courage of our people to venture into the unknown. Anger and hostility ignite flames of anarchy in our streets and everyone yearns for a savior. Our nation is deeply troubled. Anyone with any sense of awareness can see it. Many feel helpless to stem the tide, while many others tenaciously cling to the hope that the downward spiral can be arrested and reversed through a spiritual awakening and revival. The latter frequently quote, “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and…

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“He’s been married and divorced at least four times…He’s got a big mouth and doesn’t know how to control his tongue…He’s a nut…He’s a liar…He’s a flip-flopper…He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and won’t tell us what his solutions are…He’s so vague…He can’t be a Christian, he didn’t even know how to say the name of a book of the Bible…His life bears no fruit…He is not presidential…He said he doesn’t need to ask anyone for forgiveness…”

“And such were some of you!” (1 Corinthians 6:9-11 NAS)

I’d hate to see the headlines in the Heavenly Herald if a bio of my life was front-page featured today. How about you? You see, we all suffer from the same malady—we are human beings, and as such the fatal disease of sin has defiled and clogged our gene pools. If it weren’t for Jesus willingness to take on the miracle of transforming my life and yours, we’d all be without hope.

But that meant He had to die.

He suffered. Bled. And died.

For you. For me. For me!

Every one of us has lied. And if you say you haven’t, oops, there’s one for your record book. We’ve all lost our temper and said things we regret. But we were blessed a microphone wasn’t shoved in our face at the time. As for judging the spiritual condition of anyone—I’ve lived long enough to understand there are gonna be folks in heaven I never dreamed would make it; and many will be absent that I’d put money on would be seated next to the Throne. But God alone knows my heart, your heart, and Donald Trump’s heart.

And God alone knows the purpose and plan He is bringing to pass in each of our lives—including Donald Trump’s life.

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If you and I had been on one of those fishing boats with Peter, Andrew, James, and John I doubt we’d have voted to have their words recorded and read and studied for over 2,000 years. But that was after Jesus transformed their lives, and it took Him over three years to get them battle ready. And look how they behaved and what they said during those first hours after the skirmish in the Garden and outside the Court where Jesus endured that vicious scourging.

And such are some of us.

Shameful cowards.     DSCF4893

Spouting angry words.

On Social Media.

Wouldn’t we be better off spending time in prayer asking God to give light and wings of the wind to the one He has ordained to lead America during such a time as this—for either revival or judgment?

But it makes us feel better, for the moment, to vent our frustrations, attempting to persuade folks to agree with us so we can feel good about our lack of faith in God. That’s right, I said lack of faith in God.

If God is in control, and the Word says He is, then I believe He has ordained this moment in time, and chosen the candidates…giving us two very opposite choices. Then wouldn’t I be well served to stand in lock step with Him?

When contemplating the future, it’s always good to temper those thoughts with facts from the past. The first election I was old enough to participate in was John F. Kennedy vs. Richard Nixon in 1960. During those days Democrats had a firm grip on the South. I remember the big hoopla in the Bible Belt was the fact Kennedy was a Catholic! Why a Catholic could not possibly serve as President of America—or so the protestant populous proclaimed. Now my folks were died-in-the wool Democrats. Cut them and they would bleed blue.

But they were faced with what they considered an untenable choice—a Catholic or a Republican. So they sat home and refused to vote. And many, many God fearing evangelicals did the same thing. Rather than vote for the evil (they presumed) Catholic or Republican—they sat on the sidelines and fumed.

Please tell me, what good they accomplished? Did they behave as responsible citizens? Did they have a part in Kennedy’s election or defeat? Probably, but the fact is they were non-players. Irresponsible citizens. Zeros.

Not me! I listened and liked what this young Kennedy said. “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what can you do for your country.” And I saw nowhere in God’s Word where it said thou shalt not vote for a Catholic.

Fast forward to Mitt Romney’s bid for the presidency. Same song, second verse. You remember, protestants went nuts over the fact Romney was a Mormon. And many, too numerous to name, repeated the actions of my irresponsible parents—they sat home and pantomimed Zeros. Only this time Evangelicals lack of action again completed the long awaited birth and access of the Trojan Horse of Obama’s fundamental changes to America to take firm roots and flourish.

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Now at this point you’re either cheering or downright irked at me, either of which deters you from looking squarely into your own heart and into God’s Word. This is not a time for cheering or anger or casting stones at one another. It is a time for fervent prayer, searching the scripture, and listening quietly for God’s direction. Right this moment you are still free to make choices.

About 3,000 years ago God elected Jeremiah to carry the condemning news of His impending judgment about to fall on His people. They were out of choices.

“For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns; broken cisterns, that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13 NAS).

Is America guilty of forsaking God?

“Your own wickedness will correct you, and your apostasies will reprove you; know therefore and see that it is evil and bitter for you to forsake the Lord your God, and the dread of Me is not in you,’ declares the Lord God of hosts” (Jeremiah 2:9 NAS).

When we dread and fear the here and now rather than fearing and dreading the judgment of God, folks we’re in deep trouble.

Yet God still gave Israel hope.

“Return, faithless Israel,’ declares the Lord. I will not look upon you in anger. For I am gracious,’ declares the Lord; I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God and have scattered your favors to the strangers under every green tree, and you have not obeyed My voice,’ declares the Lord.”  (Jeremiah 3:12-13 NAS).

But they refused to hear and return.

“Wash your heart from evil, O Jerusalem, that you may be saved. How long will your wicked thoughts lodge within you?” (Jeremiah 4:14 NAS).

“Your ways and your deeds have brought these things to you. This is your evil. How bitter! How it has touched your heart!” (Jeremiah 4:14 NAS).

“For My people are foolish, they know Me not; they are stupid children, and they have no understanding. They are shrewd to do evil, but to do good they do not know” (Jeremiah 4:22 NAS).

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And dear friends, Americans stand in that same place today, dangling along the precipice of stupidity, waiting for the other shoe to drop—just like it did for Judah. Perhaps God will show us His mercy if we develop fear and faith of and in the Sovereign God of the Universe and His Son, Christ Jesus.

And God said to Jeremiah, just like He did to Abraham concerning Sodom and Gomorrah:

“Roam to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and look now, and take note. And seek in her open squares, if you can find a man, if there is one who does justice, who seeks truth, then I will pardon her” (Jeremiah 5:1 NAS).

Jeremiah makes a search and finds not one. And in the ensuing years God in fact sent His army from the north—Babylon and Nebuchadnezzar—to destroy Jerusalem and take the people captive. For seventy years, just like He promised. Many died during their trek to this foreign land. Many died in Babylon. And many never returned to their promised land.

But God brought back His remnant. He always does.

Fast forward to August, 2016, it’s less than three months ‘til that moment in the voting booth—should we be allowed the opportunity and privilege to vote—so let’s do a quick assessment, keeping in mind, we have brought this on ourselves by forsaking our sovereign God and His Son Jesus Christ and by not teaching and requiring our children to obey Him.

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Many of us asked God to provide strong Christian candidates—godly men and women who would stand for the truths of His Word—and God gave us at least four. And what did the American people do? Rejected all four Republicans who qualified as a Christian candidates. Which left us with a green Washington outsider and an up-to-her-eyeballs-and-beyond old school Democrat dredged in the new-world-order-candidate.

We now have an inner-circle of old school Republicans who refuse to support and vote for the party’s nominee. Out of this group, most all are globalist, falling right in line with their Democratic conspirators. Do I need to explain that term? In short, one world government. Big names, money names within party politics. Names who stand to lose financial power if the combined establishment parties forfeit control. I’m bettin’ a hunch they already have tickets on private jets outta here just in case the American people develop brains and backbone.

Then we have a Democratic candidate who has a recorded history of years of public employment (notice I did not say service) tainted by verified scandals, an unexplained and under-investigated trail of murderous crimes, a candidate caught-on-tape chanting perpetual lies.

A party with a candidate who promotes murdering babies—in and out of the womb—and selling their body parts for profit. A party and a candidate who support homosexual behavior, having set aside God’s law of one-man-one-woman marriage upheld since the beginning of time and railroading through the courts same-sex marriage. A party and a candidate who have voted and supported the surrender of our nation’s sovereignty, abuse of our money to special interests, supported enemy governments with large, unaccounted for monetary support, security breaches, dictating those who are not held to the same level of accountability within the Law of the Land. And a party and a candidate who refuse to stand with Israel.

And your tax dollars pay their salaries. The common thievery of their candidate extended to stealing property belonging to the American people when they left the White House after the husband’s term in the presidency.

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 Now many Americans are deceived and determined to re-elect this candidate. This avowed socialist who was fired from her first job in government for lying. She has used her life and her office to sell loyalty to the highest bidder, regardless of country of origin because this candidate and this Democratic party are also globalists. This party has a history of destroying our military. This candidate expressed within the past few weeks that Christians were just going to have to have a change of mind about their Christian principles and beliefs. Would you call it a change of mind? Really? Is that what you call your faith in the principles and precepts of our God?

So it boils down to this folks—your choice. Vote for an avowed enemy of God and America, or vote for a man we know is NOT a globalist. A man with a proven record in business. A man who is already showing wisdom by the choices of those he will put in places of authority, like a pastoral council, a conservative Vice President, wise financial advisors, conservative Supreme Court Justices, and the assurance of a continued conservative voice in the House and Senate. A man who pledges to stand with Israel. A man who God may be using to test the faith and fiber of the American people.

Is Donald Trump green in the presidential aspect? Yes, but so was Abraham Lincoln, and many others who followed in his steps. And Donald Trump may be God’s ordained man for such a time as this. Ask God with an attitude of “God, I don’t have a clue. But I want to do what You want me to do.” Then be sure God is speaking to your spirit—not the enemy of your soul.

Voting is a privilege paid for by the blood of the patriots and forefathers. Ask the people in Iraq who stood in spite of threats to their lives and voted. For any American to choose to sit home and not exercise their privilege and responsibility is irresponsible. Your choice in this election will control the future of America for at least a century, should Jesus tarry. But this election could also end American democracy forever.

Or like my parents back in the ‘60’s, will you stiffen your neck and get angry at my words, choosing in this pivotal hour in the history of our nation to be a Zero?

An irresponsible, sit-at-home and do nothing, ZERO.

 

 

The echo of his words hung heavy in my heart. Stinging. Stabbing. Next morning, in full apology mode, he said “I’m sorry.” But isn’t he always?  After the fact.

When Sorry's Not Enough

Sorry isn’t a bad thing to say—if you mean it and if you aren’t constantly mouthing I’m sorry for the same offenses over and over again. There comes a time when sorry’s just not enough. There must be change.

When words erupt with the express intent of inflicting pain and harm utilized by a prior knowledge of the target’s weakness or scars—sorry’s not enough.

When behavior continually patterns itself in a manner that causes others to despair and lose hope—sorry’s not the correct response.

When troublesome behavior patterns or thought processes are pointed out and the person blames others or blows off the wisdom of God’s Word rather than listening and looking at their own heart—sorry’s not an option.

When there is no appetite for the Word of God, but a ferocious appetite to consume everything the world has to offer—sorry is a worthless excuse.

You can mouth sorry ‘til the cows come home, but nothing changes—not in the heart. And that’s where relational problems occur. Chanting I’m Sorry while the fog of ignorance of God’s Word smothers a deceived heart, rendering it incapable of understanding the hopelessness of habitual actions, while  continuing to slice and dice innocent bystanders with a fiery tongue.

God’s Word instructs “With our tongues we bless our Lord and Father; and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?” (James 3:9-11 NAS)

Only five minutes of nightly news will qualify we live in a time where deceived, depraved hearts are the norm rather than the exception—even in the church.

“Justice is turned back, and righteousness stands far away; for truth has stumbled in the street, and uprightness cannot enter. Yes, truth is lacking…” (Isaiah 59:12-15 NAS).

Truth stumbled in the street

But we were not meant to live that way. To stay that way.

Coming to faith and trust is the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord isn’t about mouthing I’m sorry for my sins. Then like the person referred to in Corinthians, turning away from the mirror, forgetting what he looked like. We’re all sorry when we get caught with our fingers in the cookie jar. Anyone will mumble I’m sorry in order to dodge the consequences of wrong actions. And many kiddos have been raised to think I’m sorry is the magic phrase that dispels consequences.

And the Word warns, “They sow the wind, and they reap the whirlwind.” (Hosea 8:7 NAS).

Spring Tornado

Jesus knew God was going to raise Him from the grave three days later, but He carried the consequences of our sins and suffered God’s judgment that should have been yours and mine on that cruel cross. He bore the penalty—the guilty verdict—for every one of my sins and every one of yours. And we fool ourselves into thinking a brief I’m sorry quipped in the heat of an emotional moment at the altar makes nice? Makes saved?

We can’t make anything nice. We can’t save ourselves. We can’t change our actions or our hearts—only the Holy Spirit of God, given at the moment of choosing Christ, can and will change your heart.

So the questions are… Am I truly saved, but grieving the Holy Spirit by refusing to allow Him to change me? Or…Did I walk the aisle, get dunked in the water, by mouthing a trite I’m sorry, with no intention of or desire to have Him change my life? Was it just an emotional moment of conviction that would hopefully keep me from frying in hell forever? But I certainly didn’t give Him permission to change my heart, my life, my attitude, and my mind. About anything. No sir, no holy-roller, religious freak for me. Nuh-un. I’m okay, just like I am.

Precious reader, if you find yourself answering yes to either of the above questions there is still hope. But there’s a problem. God is not willing for any to perish. That’s why He has delayed the return of the Lord Jesus—giving you time to come to the end of yourself and willingly give control of your life to Him—And that means change. That’s why Jesus gave us the gift of His Holy Spirit—to teach us—to transform us—to make us like Jesus. And that means we’re gonna be changing ‘til Jesus comes.

We all sin. We still live in natural or sinful bodies. But it’s the pattern of your life that counts. You can’t be a born-again child of God and continue to live and act in the same manner you did before you were saved.

The Word tells us, “Therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God…” (2 Corinthians 5:17 NAS).

A truly born-again child of God will be the most miserable person on the planet if he/she attempts to keep walking in old behavior patterns. Their lives will bear no fruit. Oh, on the outside they may fool others for a time, but their souls will begin to look like parched Texas corn with no rain, who doesn’t fool God.

But God’s mercy is new every morning. His grace is still available. As long as there’s life and breath there’s hope. That’s why Jesus suffered and died—just for you, just for me.

Are you tired of saying I’m sorry? Are you tired of always feeling guilty and suffering shame? There’s hope. Jesus stands at the door of your heart and knocks (Revelation 3:20 NAS). Will you open the door and let Him make His home with you?

God is not willing

 

 

 

 

WHAT WILL IT TAKE?

Black and White Clouds

The sky was blue—I didn’t care. The summer morning was cool, a slight breeze jiggled the leaves—So what?  The sun peeked through the needles of the pine tree just off our patio—I squinted. Shrugged. And sat huddled in the darkness of my soul on the cushion of my chair, sipping a steaming cup of coffee, oblivious and untouched by this one-of-a-kind splendid morning.

Early in the morning signature

Gloom saturated my spirit.  A tear slid down my cheek. I released a heavy sigh and closed my eyes and whispered, “Lord, if You’re here, I need to feel Your presence, and know You haven’t deserted me.”

It had been well over a year since our daughter’s death. No warning. No time for goodbyes. No I love you. Just gone—

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

And fear consumed me.

Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

Over the years I’ve replayed the foolishness of the words I spoke in those moments of grief…Lord, if You’re here…and …I need to know you haven’t deserted me.  Of course, God was there, but I was wounded and bleeding so bad I couldn’t feel His presence. No, He hadn’t deserted me, but it sure felt like He had.

In the throes of spiritual cardiac arrest, my heart and my spirit hemorrhaged despair.

God’s word says, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away…” but this was new ground for me. In my troubled state of mind, her death was unfair—a loss from which I would never recover.

Grief does that, you know—causes us to think irrational thoughts and demand absurd must- haves from God if we are to survive. Had the doctors taken an x-ray of my heart, mind,  and soul in that moment, they would have admitted me to ICU-Critical Care.

If you had asked, DiAne, what would it take for you to be alive, happy, and well again? I would have shot back… my daughter alive and well. Back with her family and us again.

But without my realizing and because the Spirit lives within me, even when I’m a stupid, sobbing child, He led me to do exactly what the Word of God tells us to do.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God…Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you…be afflicted, and mourn, and weep…humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up” (James 4:7-9 KJV).

Immediately a very different kind of breeze, the breeze of the comfort of God, physically swirled and wrapped around me in a warmth and secure love I cannot explain, kinda like that warm micro-waved blanket they wrap you in when you’re lying on a gurney in a hospital emergency room.  But I understood, without a doubt, God had done exactly what I asked—let me feel His presence. And on that patio some thirteen years ago, I build an altar and worshipped Him. A holy moment in time that stands as a testimony in other times of trial and heartache I don’t understand—He is there!

 

I’d love to tell you, all these years later, the sorrow is gone. No, not gone. Just different. But I rejoice in the new normal that always follows those first times of utter desperation.  If you trust Him to comfort, heal, and give you new hope—even when you believe you can’t move forward—He will carry you!

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The question for you today is—what will it take in your time of tragedy? What is enough to move you toward help, hope and healing? Is Jesus enough? Only you can answer that question, sweet friend. Is He?

 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away…I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely. He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son” (Revelation 21:4,6-7, KJV).

I am thrilled to feature Renee Blare on my blog today—the release day of her newest powerful and suspenseful romantic novel.

 

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Raging Waters is indeed a wonderful read and I also highly recommend To Soar on Eagle’s Wings. So hurry and catch up—I’m waiting for the next book! – DiAne Gates, Author of Roped.

And another reviewer says: Once again, Renee Blare has delivered a powerful novel. Readers and lovers of such will not be disappointed at her writing talent. – Carole Brown, Award-winning Author.

***

 

Book Two of the Snowy Range Chronicles launches TODAY… July 8, 2016 and propels the series upward to new heights.

Suspense takes on new meaning in this book as the small town of Timber Springs faces the storm of the century during the peak of spring runoff. Paul Fitzgerald and Melissa Hampton must fight the battle of their lives as thunder and lightning reveal more than just rain.

Pick up your copy today and join the Paul and Melissa on their journey Through the Raging Waters.

If Mother Nature has her way, Timber Springs will never be the same…

A warm spring and early rainstorms melt the snowpack. Spring runoff compounded by the storm of the century sends Timber Springs into a tailspin.
Tossed into the role of rescuer, local pharmacist Paul Fitzgerald must face his past before the whole world falls apart. While he fights to contain the beast around him, he finds his steadfast control slipping through his fingers. And life…everyone’s life…hangs by a thread once again.
She isn’t a hero. Melissa Hampton has her own demons to battle. After she learns of her mysterious beginnings amidst her mother’s keepsakes, she faces more than just the river rushing outside her door. Now, she must discern friend from foe…but as waters rise and tension climbs within Timber Springs, she needs to rise to the challenge or lose the only man she’s ever loved.

Can two people find each other through raging waters?

 

The Author:Renee Headshot BH (3)

Raised in Louisiana and Wyoming, Renee Blare started writing poetry in junior high school. After having her son, a desire to attend pharmacy school sent her small family to the University of Wyoming in Laramie, and she’s been counting pills ever since. While writing’s her first love, well, after the Lord and husband, she also likes to fish and hunt as well as pick away on her classical guitar.
Nestled in the foothills of the Wind River Mountains with her husband, crazy dogs and ornery cat, she continues to serve her community as a pharmacist while penning her Christian stories any chance she can get. She loves to interact with readers and invites you check out her website, blog, and social media.
Website: http://www.reneeblare.com/

Blog: http://reneeblare.blogspot.com/

Group Blog: http://diamondsinfiction.blogspot.com

Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/tE055Wyzaso

Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Through-Raging-Waters-Renee-Blare-ebook/dp/B01HBSB9BM/

(shortened) http://amzn.to/28NQIF3

 

 

TOGETHER–BUT APART

  Guys, have you ever wiped your eyes and said to a buddy, Man, I sure feel better after a good cry? And you say to me, You’re joking. Right? But ladies, I’m sure you remember your last good c…

Source: TOGETHER–BUT APART

TOGETHER–BUT APART

 

Prairie Creek 2016 2

Guys, have you ever wiped your eyes and said to a buddy, Man, I sure feel better after a good cry?

And you say to me, You’re joking. Right?

But ladies, I’m sure you remember your last good cry, and it made you feel better, didn’t it?

“And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27 NAS).

God made us male and female—uniquely different, but made for each other. And nowhere does this emotional difference exemplify itself more than when a man and woman are thrust into the throes of grief.

Men are fixers by nature. But guys, you can’t fix her this time. Only God can. You can’t make her tears go away, and your worst nightmare haunts your nights and days—you must travel through your own savage grief jungle of emotions and feelings. So most men do what to them seems proper—stuff those emotions deep in their hearts so they won’t have to deal with them. But, every grief stuffed will explode one day, like a shaken up Coca Cola, and it will be messy. Stuffed grief morphs into anger, depression, and countless other destructive emotions that traps and isolates the one suffering.

Meanwhile husbands, you’re left with a wife who bursts into tears every time she looks at you, or at a picture, or has a memory of her loss. A song, a TV commercial, or a flower can send her over the edge. And you don’t know what to do. So you attempt to ignore her tears, slap on a tough exterior, and a move forward attitude. Or at least that’s what you think will happen.

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But her tears don’t stop, because that’s how God made her. The pressure of sorrow and the fiery heat of loss shove women into the quagmire of grief. Female tears are like the regulator on a pressure cooker. Perhaps your grandmother had one—heat causes pressure to build inside the pot until the regulator jiggles off steam so the pot won’t explode. Tears are the regulator of grief, else the woman in your life will detonate.

Statistics show a high percentage of marriages fail after the death of a loved one, because the marriage partners don’t know how to grieve. And when their loss is a child, the rate of a failed marriage rises into the 75 to 80 percent range.

My mind travels to the couple in Orlando last week and the unspeakable, horrific, tragedy they experienced when their two-year-old was snatched and killed by an alligator. Unfortunately, when grief moves in reason and sanity flee. In our fallen state, humans seem to need to cast blame—even when there’s no cause for blame.  Couple blame with guilt, and anguish and you have a recipe for disaster.

But this couple’s marriage doesn’t have to fail, nor does yours, if you will seek help and learn how to travel through this dark and desperate valley together—but apart.

Space, coupled with understanding, is the key.

Every grief is unique, because people and relationships are unique. A father has a different relationship with his son or daughter than the mother does. Each are necessary. Each are good. But each are different. So it stands to reason the two parents would experience a different journey through grief.

Give your spouse permission to grieve in the way that brings them comfort. And that will probably mean spending some time apart—walking through this darkness together—but sometimes apart. Your wife may need to listen to the recording of the funeral many, many times. The recording may do nothing for you. Or your husband may need to spend time each week at the grave site—something that gives you the creeps. Give your mate permission to do whatever it takes to find comfort during this dark time.

Wives, schedule days with girlfriends who are comfortable with and can relate to your tears. Girlfriends who will cry with you. Then come together with your husband at the end of the day, in order to mesh your paths and plans together for the future when the time is appropriate. But assure and reassure each other of your never ending love and commitment to each other.

Keep your expectations as close to your reality as possible. None of us think or discern well during those early days of grief, but the lurking problems  can be reduced to manageable size if your expectations linger in close proximity to the reality of your loss.

In other words, wives, don’t expect your husband to sit with you for hours and watch you cry. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. No. The reality is he’s not ever going to react the same way you do.  Expecting him to join your boohoo times will leave you clutching unrealistic expectations, which will make you angry and make him more likely to avoid you like the plague.

Husbands don’t withhold hugs of comfort from your wife when she weeps. I promise your comfort won’t extend her tears, she requires your approval and understanding to move forward.

Guys don’t seclude yourself in your shop, den, or binge on hunting and fishing without explanation. Acknowledge to your wife this is how you deal with the overwhelming loss you are experiencing. Silence won’t make grief go away, but men need more silent time than women during this process.

Schedule time to talk. Openly. Honestly. And lovingly about your feelings. Please don’t be afraid of feelings. Darkness and ignoring one another morphs emotions to unmanageable, but exposing these little stinkers to light diminishes them. The very best way to accomplish this delicate balance is to find a GriefShare Support Group near you. Go to www.griefshare.org and click on Find-A-Group. Type in your zip code to locate a group nearby and go. Together.

You can’t ignore grief. You can’t go around, over, or under grief—you must travel through it. Together. There is life after grief. A good life. But it takes work, patience, and love. And yards and yards of time.

 

“Remember my afflictions and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to my mind, therefore, I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore, I have hope in Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the Lord” (Lamentations 3:19-26 NAS).

 Coming Storm 2

DiAne and her husband lost both sets of parents and a
 twenty-eight-year old daughter within a five-year period.
 She has led GriefShare Recovery Groups for the past
thirteen years and often blogs about grieving. Click
on articles from August 2012, September 2012, October, 2012
https://dianegates.wordpress.com/

 

 

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